


Regrets

by SujuLoveNL



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Death, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-28 00:31:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15036737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SujuLoveNL/pseuds/SujuLoveNL
Summary: If only he had realized sooner.





	Regrets

**Author's Note:**

> This was written a long time ago, but I just found out about this website. Comments = love!

Kyuhyun pushed open the door that he hadn’t dared to touch for the past week. He knew he had to open it someday, and even though a week might have been too soon to do so, his mind told him it was better to get it over with fast. Besides, Heechul wouldn’t stop bugging him until he did.

Walking into the room of his housemate, the first thing he noticed was how messy it was. A small smile made its way to Kyuhyun’s face as he tried to navigate his way through the mess to open the blinds that had been left closed for an entire week.

The mess was what made the boy different from his two housemates, Kyuhyun and Heechul. Where Kyuhyun was just neat out of his own, Heechul was messy but couldn’t stand any sort of mess and always cleaned up afterward. Oh, the number of fights Heechul had with the third person in this house wasn’t even countable on a hundred hands.

Kyuhyun stood still in the middle of the small room. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Suddenly, something made Kyuhyun regret coming into this room.

It was the smell.

His housemate’s scent still lingered in this room.

As tears made their way to Kyuhyun’s eyes, he turned around and was about to run out when something caught his eye. A white envelope in the middle of his housemate’s desk.

Ignoring his own instinct of running out, he walked to the desk and grabbed the envelope.

‘ _Jongwoon_ ’ was the only thing written on it. Reading his housemate’s name made Kyuhyun tear up again, and it didn’t take long for a tear to fall onto the envelope, smudging the written name partly.

Kyuhyun recognized his own handwriting easily. And he still knew what was inside that envelope, even though he had written it many months ago. With shaking hands he opened the envelope, only to acknowledge what he already knew. It was his confession. The confession he never gave because he chickened out when he was about to hand over the letter to Jongwoon. He had thrown it away instead.

  
_Dear Jongwoon,_

_I don’t even know why I am writing this letter. It’s stupid and childish, right?_  
_But I don’t know how else to do it. I’m not sociable like you are, I’m not someone who expresses his feelings easily like you do._

_The truth is, I like you._  
_Or scrap that, I LOVE you._

_The way you talk, the way you laugh at bad jokes, the way you make every room seem as if a hurricane has just passed by._

_I know that me writing this letter and giving it to you will change our relationship for better or for worse. But that’s a chance I am willing to take. I can’t keep this a secret any longer._

_Whatever your response is, I promise I will accept it._

_With love,_

_Kyuhyun_

  
Kyuhyun stared at the letter for a few seconds before crumpling the letter in his fist. Stupid letter. Why hadn’t he given it to Jongwoon when he wanted to? Why had he chickened out?

But suddenly reality struck him. Jongwoon did read the letter as it was already opened. He had known all this time what Kyuhyun felt for him, yet he never made any indication that he did... Or did he?

  
_“I love you, Kyuhyun_ , _” Jongwoon mumbled while he was half-asleep on the couch, leaning against Kyuhyun._

_Kyuhyun didn’t respond. If only Jongwoon knew how saying something like this all the time broke Kyuhyun down more and more. God was really trying to punish him for not handing over the damn letter._

_-_

_“Just tell him already!” Kyuhyun heard Heechul yell as soon as he walked into the apartment. It had to be aimed at Jongwoon since Heechul had no other friends than the two of them._

_“I can’t, you know I-“_

_“That’s bull, you are even more stupid than he is.”_

_A door was slammed and Kyuhyun finally felt it was safe enough to make his entrance into the living room._

_“What was that all about?” Kyuhyun asked Heechul, as he found the latter on the couch, looking extremely annoyed._

_“Nothing_ , _” Heechul answered, and he stood up and walked to his own room as well._

_-_

_“I cooked something for you!” Jongwoon happily announced, while staring at Kyuhyun who was warily eyeing the burnt food on the table. That is, if you could still call it ‘food’._

_“Why?” Kyuhyun asked, in a tone which implied that Jongwoon was trying to punish him for something he hadn’t done._

_“Because..-”_

_“Thanks.” Kyuhyun interrupted, as he saw Jongwoon biting his lower lip and almost tearing up because of Kyuhyun’s question. He sat down and tried to eat as much as possible. And believe Kyuhyun, it was torture, alright. The food tasted worse than it actually looked. But as long as Jongwoon was happy, Kyuhyun didn’t mind suffering._

  
Kyuhyun’s stomach started to make somersaults; the food he had eaten this morning started to make its way up. His throat felt as if it was constricting itself with this huge lump that appeared out of nowhere.

  
_“Let’s go to the movies together, Kyuhyun!” Jongwoon ran into Kyuhyun’s room and tugged at his shoulder._

_“I’m busy, ask Heechul_ , _” Kyuhyun answered in an annoyed tone, not even looking at the boy who was trying to dislocate his shoulder as they spoke. He was currently playing a game, and he was losing. Kyuhyun hated losing. It could really piss him off. Jongwoon tugging at his shoulder was seriously not helping his mood._

_“But I want to go with you..” Jongwoon said softly. He stopped tugging at Kyuhyun’s shoulder and just stood there, staring at Kyuhyun sadly. Yes, Kyuhyun knew Jongwoon was staring at him sadly; he could feel it._

_“Well I have no time, just go on your own and leave me alone_ , _” Kyuhyun said harshly, as his game-character just lost another life._

_“Fine_ , _” Jongwoon answered, marching out of the room and towards his car._

  
That was the last conversation Kyuhyun had with Jongwoon. The last time Jongwoon had touched him. The last time Kyuhyun could have seen him alive.

On his way to the cinema, Jongwoon apparently lost control of the steering wheel and ended up slipping all over the road. He was still alive when they got him out of the car, still breathing when they lifted him into the ambulance, but the internal bleeding was too much; he never made it to the hospital alive.

Kyuhyun fell onto his knees, the letter still in his hand. This couldn’t be true, this was not happening. He will wake up in a bit and realize this is all just a terrible dream. And after he wakes up, he will run to Jongwoon’s room and tell the latter that he loves him to death. That he was a chicken for not telling him this earlier.

Heechul, who heard sounds coming from Jongwoon’s room, opened the door and found Kyuhyun on the ground, crying his eyes out, with some paper clenched in his hands and an envelope in front of him. Heechul knew that the paper in Kyuhyun’s hand had to be the letter Heechul had picked out of Kyuhyun’s trashcan and had handed over to Jongwoon 4 months ago.

“Kyuhyun..,” Heechul said, walking towards him.

Kyuhyun didn’t look up. He kept his eyes clenched together and continued crumpling the letter in his fist as if it would somehow vanish into thin air if he did.

“Kyuhyun, I’m so sorry..” Heechul said with a shaky voice, as his tears were also threatening to fall. He too hadn’t been in this room since last week, since they had received the news of Jongwoon’s death. God, how much he missed that little stupid mess-maker.

Kyuhyun still didn’t respond.

As Heechul’s first tear started to fall, he dropped to his knees and inched closer towards Kyuhyun before engulfing him in a hug, a hug that was more than welcome. Kyuhyun let go of the letter and went completely numb in Heechul’s arms as he continued crying, wetting Heechul’s shirt completely.

But Heechul didn’t mind. They both needed to accept what had happened, they both needed to start their mourning process, especially Kyuhyun. And if a wet shirt could help Kyuhyun be on his way, Heechul was more than willing to give up his favorite shirt that was given to him by Jongwoon for his birthday last year.

**\- Fin.**


End file.
